Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
