Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
