My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
