i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize