You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
