Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the day after is always just damage control
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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