how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
