Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
