This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
