I met the friendliest cop last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
