And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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