I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
