I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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