My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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