PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
