I hope mine doesn't look like that
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize