24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
