I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
