no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
