Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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