So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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