You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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