We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
