Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
