you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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