my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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