just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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