No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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