perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
