Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
