I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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