Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
