i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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