Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
