Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
