party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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