On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
