Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
