So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
