i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
