Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
