My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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