You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
