Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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