The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
