When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
