I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
