Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
accomplished twins. life is a go
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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