so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
