Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
