He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
