I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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