Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
