You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
