Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had sex on a roof
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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