this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
