You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
