Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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