Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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