I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
