the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
