I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
