hotel room ftw
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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