Sry I called you an 8
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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