I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
