She is in my trunk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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