Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize