it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
