he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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