I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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