throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
