Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize