so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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