So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
