Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
