dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
