you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
