Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
