His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
