Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
