so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
